Chapter One, continued...

I gave him a smack on the lips as I left the house. "Later," I promised him. "Thanks a bunch, but I'd still really appreciate it if you could find my pants while I'm out. I can get away with being eccentric once, but if I try it twice in a row, I'm going to get laughed at."

I slung my viola case over my shoulder, sipping from my cappuccino as I walked down the street to the bus stop. Tonight was the dress rehearsal before the big concert, and we'd meet the famous tenor soloist Ben Heppner for the very first time! It was amazing that our rag-tag community orchestra, made up of everyone from high school students to semi-professional musicians, should have garnered the attention of so prestigious a soloist, but it was for charity. A half-way house for recovering drug addict movie stars who had spent their last dime (and then some few million more) on booze and coke (not the bottled stuff, either) and plastic surgery. Truly miserable specimens of humanity, in other words. It felt good to help out with so magnificent a cause. Maybe we'd save Amy or Brittany, though I had my doubts. But the least we could do was try...

As I was thinking my noble thoughts, I passed an alleyway that was picturesquely named "Shady Lane." The reality wasn't nearly so picturesque, as it usually reeked of piss and rotting garbage. As I passed, I noticed something moving in the shadows. I investigated, and found an elderly lady, sprawled on the pavement. Now I'm not necessarily the most observant of people, and I do have somewhat eccentric habits myself, but I've never taken a sleep in an alley before, and I've never seen an old lady do it, either.

"Are you in need of some assistance, ma'am?" I asked.

She stared up at me. "Is that a viola case?" she replied. "Because if it is..." She started to scramble away from me.

"It's okay, ma'am. I won't hurt you. Yes, this is a viola case. You're quite perceptive."

She surprised me utterly at that moment by jumping to her feet, and running headlong down the alleyway, away from me. I noticed she'd dropped her cane, so I picked it up and ran after her. "Ma'am!" I shouted. "You forgot your cane!"

"I don't want it," she yelled back, panting. "Give it to your grandma for Christmas! Keep it for yourself when you get older! I don't care! Just stay away from me!"

I kept following her. She was clearly suffering from some debilitating mental disease, and I didn't want her to come to any harm. The alley emerged in another street a block away, and I could see the old lady as she ran, straight into a police car. I slowed down a bit. She was safe, and all I wanted to do now was give the woman back her cane and continue on to my dress rehearsal.

"Officer! Arrest that lady! She's brandishing a Vile Weapon of Destruction!"

The officer exited the cruiser. "All right, lady! Put down the cane and let's talk."

"Officer, the cane is hers, and I just want to give it back. I wasn't going to hit her with it, honest!"

"I wasn't talking about the cane, officer! Do you know what she's carrying?"

"Looks like a violin case to me," the officer said.

I sniffed. "Hmmph! Doesn't know his music, does he ma'am?"

"Officer, that's not a violin case! That's, that's a viola case!"

The officer gasped. "Oh, no! Ma'am, I can see that you're in dire need of protection. Get in the cruiser quick, before..."

"Before what?" I asked, perturbed. "I don't have a sawed off shotgun in there or anything. Just a viola!"

"That's what I mean," the officer retorted. "Ma'am, into the cruiser quick, before she pulls it out and starts playing!" The woman dove for the open door of the cruiser, and the officer stuck his fingers in his ears.

Me? I carefully laid the cane on the ground, gave them a scornful look, and wandered off towards the subway. If they didn't appreciate a real instrument, so be it! I had better things to do than chum around with a cop and a crazy lady who thought violins were the be-all and end all of the orchestra.